Domestic violence always has the chance of becoming lethal or physically damaging. Many victims of domestic violence have been crippled as a result, their faces or bodies scarred from beatings, they’ve lost the ability to have children, they’ve lost their hearing, their pets, their friends and loved ones, their houses, their belongings, their confidence, and their trust . All to often, they lose their lives.
Blaming the victim is the wrong approach, no matter how common the belief is. You must remember that no one deserves to be or enjoys being abused and that leaving a violent relationship is most often the most dangerous time for the victim. Abusers often feel very much out of control when their victims leave and tend to retaliate and become more violent as a result.
Statistically, this time is the most dangerous for victims:
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Up to 75% of domestic assaults reported to law enforcement agencies are inflicted after separation of the couples.
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75% of victims who are killed as the result of a violent relationship are killed while trying to leave.
There are as many reasons why victims of domestic violence stay in abusive relationships as there are victims. Below are some of the most common reasons victims stay and how Safe Relocate has come up with solutions.
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Economic Dependency & Lack of Resources
The number one factor in staying in an abusive relationship is economic dependency. Abusers do not usually want or allow the victim to work outside the home. The majority of victims do not have control or access to the family earnings, even if they do work. Status and material possessions usually play a part in the decision to stay, especially if children are involved.
When you arrive at your new location, our network of friends help you with temporary housing, food, clothing, and job training and job placement. You are not left to "go it alone". Material possessions and money are not worth your life. *Services vary by location, but don't worry, we will get you what you need.
Survival
Most of the time, the victim may not have a safe place to go where they will not be hurt, or hesitant to involve others and possibly put them at risk.
We take care of that for you. You will be a new face in a new town, but it will be safe, and the people/organizations helping you there will have your back. Also, family and friends you know won't be involved, so they can honestly tell your abuser they have no idea where you are.
Social Stigma
The victim may be too ashamed to tell anyone what is happening because they may feel like they are the only one this is happening to. Also the victim may see it as their role and responsibility to keep the family together.
No social stigma with us or with people living where you're headed. People there will only know what you tell them (if anything), and you're free to tell family and friends from your old life what happened when you're ready (providing security protocols are followed).
Children
Many victims may believe that even a bad parent is better than no parent at all. Also, the difficulty and responsibility of single parenthood can be overwhelming and frightening. They may not want to disrupt their children’s schoolwork, lifestyle and friendships.
Do you know what's more difficult for your children then not having a parent around? Watching you (and possibly themselves) getting abused on a regular basis. You owe it to your children to get them and yourself to safety. Very young children won't notice most of the disruption and older children will understand even if they don't like it.
Fear of the Unknown
Almost always, the fear of that which is unknown is greater than that which is known and familiar.
You're not facing that fear alone. Dedicated people will be nearby to help you, and Safe Relocate will stay in touch and monitor your progress.
Attachment and Investment
The abuser is not always abusive and the love the victim has for their abuser is reinforced by their good behavior and by hopes that they will change. They have history together, both good as well as bad.
Your abuser is NOT going to change, no matter what they say. How many times have they already promised that change?
Intimidation
The abuser may intimidate by threatening to kill the victim, the victims family and friends or even threaten kill themselves. The abuser may threaten to take their children away, tell everyone that the victim is crazy or they may follow the victim everywhere and threaten to hunt them down if they leave.
This is why Safe Relocate was created. An abuser can't threaten, intimidate, harm, or kill you if they don't know where you are. Also, we will contact your family and friends for you after you leave and assist them in taking appropriate steps to protect themselves, as well as helping you to stay safe.
Lack of Self Esteem
The victim usually blames themselves for the violence and feels if they had only reacted differently, it would not have happened. This belief can lead the victim into a mindset where they become depressed and debilitated. They have little self-worth, and feel that they can do nothing right and therefore could never make it on their own.
You'll be amazed at what a change in scenery can do for your self esteem. During the long car trip to your new location, you will know that every mile you go, your old life gets farther and farther away in the rear view mirror, and soon you won't see it at all. Always remember, your life is worth it, and their violence is not your fault.